SPORK!

Spork! How do I Love thee? Let me count the prongs...

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Last updated: 10-Sep-1996


What's gnew?

  1. The shirts are here! Check out the Spork Gear page for details.

SPORK GEAR

The spork shirts are here! We're selling them for $7 a shirt, XL only at the moment. Check it out.

What is a spork?

Spork:
Blend of sp(oon sb. + f)ork sb. A proprietary name for a piece of cutlery combining the features of a spoon, fork, (and sometimes, knife). `Spork' is the colloquial term for `Runcible Spoon'

Patent Information:
1970 Official Gaz. (U.S. Patent Office) 11 Aug. tm 65 Van Brode Milling Co., Inc., Clinton, Mass... Spork for Combination Plastic Spoon, Fork and Knife.

Yet a spork is so much more than just a poor excuse for an eating utensil.

A spork is a perfect metaphor for human existance. It tries to function as both spoon and fork, and because of this dual nature, it fails miserably at both. You cannot have soup with a spork, it is far too shallow; you cannot eat meat with a spork, the prongs are too small.

What are uses for the spork?

As we know, a spork is completely innapropriate as an eating utensil, so the question arises: ``But then, what can I use a spork for?''

[movie] This is a 790 Kb AVI of me trying to eat ramen with a spork.

  1. Pull out all but the edge prongs, rip off the handle, and stick it in your mouth. Instant Dracula!
  2. Invert the spork (turn it into a foon) and load stuff into the depression and fire!
  3. Foon your spork and lay it on the table with the arch up, then press on the high arc and release. Flying Foons!
  4. Foon your spork and then spork your foon in rapid sucession, the resulting crack sound is known as a `spack'. This is hours of fun.
  5. Foon your spork and turn the prongs up, you have just created a sporfoontapult, perfect for launchings (see above).
  6. Alternately bend the prongs inward and outward and stand the spork on end. This is a leaning tower of spork. You can then launch foons over it.
  7. Get a bunch of friends together and make a plenty foons. Then start launching them at each other, the objective is to collide foons in mid-air. Note: The more foons in the air the better, try to launch 5-10 at a time for a challenge.
  8. Plant them in your lawn to scare away burglers
  9. Stick them in your backpack to scare away friends
  10. Instead of roses, give your girlfriend sporks in new and interesting ways
  11. Plus much much more...
What other people do with sporks. There are a couple people out there who insist that one can eat with a spork.

Sporks from around the world

I have been collecting information about what types of sporks there are and where to get them.

Sporks which aren't sporks



Sporks in the media


What's all this I'm hearing about `Foons?'

A foon is the inverse of the spork, and is created through a process known as fooning. The process can only be done on flexible sporks (Taco Bell sporks are right out, they crack as soon as you apply any kind of pressure) and it takes a skilled hand. Beware! You are apt to crack many sporks before you become a true master of the foon.

The process of fooning is as follows:

  1. Place your thumb on the bottom curve of the spork
  2. Gently push in with the thumb until the spork is inverted
  3. If done properly, you may let go and the spork will retain it's foon shape
Once you have your foon a whole new world of enjoyment between you and your spork/foon will open up for you.

[movie] This is a 1.3 meg AVI of my good friend Terry making a foon and spacking it (that cracking sound).


Spork Links


  • alt.utensils.spork
    The Usenet source for sporks.
  • Sporks Are Godlike
    Sporks neglected in cyberspace? I was around well before he was spreading the glory of spork.
  • Eating Utensil of the Gods?
    I'm giving this guy some credit just for not stealing graphics from my site. The fact that he has no graphics.. or links.. or much of anything is moot really.
  • Spork Info!
    ``The Other Spork Page''??? Who does this guy think he is? (man, having an ego rules)
  • Spork World
    This guy thinks he's cool because he has ``spork.com''. And if it weren't for that I'd never have found him.
  • Cool Ways To Die
    Okay, so it has nothing to do with sporks. but dammit, If I don't get Cool Site...


  • You are the person to use this page for your own devices since the first of the month.
    shmit@spork.org